Lobby Adventures
by OutlawOoR
Summary: A long awaited parody on life in one of PSO's lobbies.
1. Default Chapter

Lobby Adventures  
Introduction of DOOM!  
Episode #1  
  
The lobby -- a place where hunter's unite for one common purpose -- to piss the hell out of each other. Or at least   
that's how I look at it. I never really took the lobby too seriously... it was just one of those places I could go to be a   
moron. Even though I was kind of an idiot wherever I went. I guess I'm kind of starting to stray from the point. I'm  
one of those Hunters you see in the lobby and you start to think -- "Why the hell do they even want him to go to Ragol?!".   
That's a question I can't even answer. Why do they want me to go to Ragol. Wait... I don't go there. I basically sit in the  
lobby and chat all day. That might be why I'm only level eighty-four.   
  
"Outlaw! Stop daydreaming!" said a stray voice.  
  
I couldn't quite figure out who was talking to me. I'm stupid in that kind of way. Sounded like a girl. I thought  
I scared away most of the girls. Guess not.  
  
"Outlaw? Remember me?" asked the woman.  
  
"No."  
  
I felt a sharp pain in my cheeks. A pain that felt like the fury of a thousand eels. I had just been slapped... by  
someone I didn't even remember. How's that for ironic?  
  
"It's me Lina..." she stated.  
  
"Ohhhhhh.... right. I remember you," I said even though I didn't really remember her. I didn't want to get slapped again.  
  
"Good, I thought I was going to have to slap you again." she laughed.   
  
I told you she would have slapped me. Her face looked kind of familiar -- but I wasn't really paying attention to her  
face. A little lower if you know what I mean. Go ahead call me a pervert. Any man would have done it. Then it hit me -- her   
hand -- again. She had caught me looking down her shirt.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lina questioned me.  
  
"Everything," I replyed.  
  
"You know how easily I could kick your ass, Outlaw?"  
  
"Just because your level 154 doesn't mean anything."  
  
"Alright I challenge you to a battle then!" She said to me.  
  
"Fine... If I win you have to flash me... if you win.... uhhh... you can win?"  
  
"WHAT? I'm not agreeing to that. We'll just have a battle, no prizes."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
I knew she could beat me up any day. It's sad, but it's true. I only went to Ragol if no one was chatting. And that  
was rare -- quite rare. When we arrived at the temple she had an S-Rank needle and what did I have, you ask? A crappy  
ancient saber. Seriously, how much damage could I do with an ancient saber? Slim to nothing. Ancient Sabers sucked more than  
a Las Vegas hooker. But I lived on the wild side and decided to use it for the battle. To make a long story short she  
kicked my ass within the first few minutes. Her points were in the 10,000's and even though I had been artificially  
leveled all the way up to level 200(because she had killed me so much). She still won.   
  
When I arrived back at the lobby I was laughed at, then laughed at some more, and some more. See what I mean  
about the lobby being a place to piss each other off. With my scoreboard of zero wins I was the laughing stock of  
Pioneer Two. Someday I would win a battle. Some day. My friend Shadow was waiting for me in the lobby. He was   
expecting me to win.  
  
"Dude! Guess who I'm going out with?" Shadow asked.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Lina!"  
  
"WHAT? Just a word of advice don't let her catch you looking down her shirt..."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You'll find out soon enough."  
  
And with those final words I let out my disconnect symbol chat icon.  
  
MORE TO COME... 


	2. Episode 2: Shadowed Destiny

Lobby Adventures  
Episode 2  
Shadowed Destiny  
  
-The Lobby, a place where hunter's unite for one common purpose -- to piss the hell out of each other. I'm one of those  
bastards you love to hate -- one of those guys who never leaves the lobbies. If there is an intro to this story... this will  
be it.   
  
I couldn't quite imagine Shadow with Lina. Seriously, I couldn't, I had already forgotten what Lina had looked like.  
I had also forgotten to get her guild card. She was probably on right now -- but what did I care. I wasn't a stalker. Hell,  
I never moved. Ophelia 12 is my home and I wasn't going to leave it right now. The block was unusually crowded today. Mostly  
with those idiots who run around with those masturbation symbol chats. You know what I'm talking about. I hated those guys,  
I wanted to punch their faces in repeatedly. They probably think the chicks like it. They couldn't get any chicks if they  
wanted too. Hell, what am I talking about, I can't get any chicks either. There it goes again -- the same symbol over and  
over again. You know the routine. When someone has one of those symbols they never stop using it. Like they think we  
need to see it thousands of times. Maybe the reason I hate those symbol chat things so much is because I've seen them  
a million times. Sure, I got a kick out of it the first time. But after that, I was driven with some rage to beat them all   
up.   
  
Over in one of the lone corners of the lobby I noticed a RAmar. He was wearing a black costume with black hair and  
a face mask. He looked like a suspicious character. But I'm not one to dabble in those kinds of matters. I saw someone   
approach him and exchange guild cards. I knew the hunter who had just approached. It was Link182, a seedy character who  
was once a member of the Chancellor's of Fate. I diverted my eyes away from Link in order to humor myself with the   
conversation the newbs were having. They were level two hundred but from the way they talked I could tell they were  
cheaters:  
  
"Hey dude guess what weapon I just got?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"A varista! It's super rare and ultra powerful! Nothing can beat it!"  
  
"Wow! I got a sword +5 today on normal mode!"  
  
"Dude that's like the rarest weapon on Ragol!"  
  
"I know it's totally excellent."  
  
Their conversation continued. I was too busy laughing my ass off to hear the rest. When I looked back to the   
corner where Link and the mystery man had been, they were gone. Damn. Somehow I knew something was wrong with the  
situation I had seen earlier. I knew Link was a hacker, but Hacker's were useless after the last patch. If binary code  
was caught being messed with the player would now be permanentaly banned. This is all too complicated. Normally I wouldn't  
care. I really don't care. Or that's what I was trying to trick myself into realizing. The newbs were still talking:  
  
"The tekker said I found an extremely rare DB's Saber!"  
  
"Holy crap! No way, thats too kickass to be true."  
  
"Seriously man! I also found a few trimates."  
  
"TRIMATES!"  
  
"TRIMATES, dude!"  
  
"HOLY SHIT! TRIMATES!"  
  
"Yeah! TRIMATES!"  
  
  
I fell on the ground laughing. I couldn't help but laughing at those guys. They were hillarious. I bet they didn't  
even understand how to pull off lobby actions yet. I showed off a bit by falling on the ground.  
  
"How the hell do you do that?" One newb asked.  
  
Told you.  
  
"Press alt+F1" I said as the newb slipped back into his own world.  
  
"ALT+F1!"  
  
"NO WAY!"  
  
"YES WAY!"  
  
I began to laugh again. Shadow was missing this. He was probably making out with Lina. That's good but this was  
comic gold. A few laughs erupted from the newbs as the maturbation symbol chat flashed on the screen once more. The dude  
with the symbol was starting to piss me off. I walked over to him.  
  
"Dude shut the hell up," I told him.  
  
"Why, this is great!"  
  
I let my fist fly through the air. It impacted the bastard so hard some of the witnesses claimed it knocked his mom  
over. The newbs didnt notice th fist fight. They were too absorbed in bragging about who could beat the dragon faster.   
  
"You didn't have to hit me." The man said.  
  
"Yes I did," I replyed.  
  
I walked away from the man and back to my spot. I stood there waiting for something to happen. Shadow arrived late  
as usual. He was with Lina. I wonder if hes been slapped yet. Knowing him he probably has. He was rejected by sixty   
different girls in the same year once. Somehow, I know hes going to screw up with this one. He always screws up.  
  
"Waffles!" Shadow yelled.  
  
That was how he greeted everyone. He seemed to be obsessed with waffles. I think he was. What do I mean think. I   
knew he was.   
  
"Outlaw, there's been some crazy stuff going on in the lobbies recently. People are being banned without reason," Shadow   
stated.   
  
I knew something was up.  
  
  
MORE TO COME... 


	3. Episode 3: This is the third Episode

Lobby Adventures  
Episode 3  
This is the third Episode  
  
-The Lobby, a place where hunter's unite for one common purpose -- to piss the hell out of each other. I'm one of those  
bastards you love to hate -- one of those guys who never leaves the lobbies. If there is an intro to this story... this will  
be it.   
  
Banned without reason? That's impossible. Or is it -- I think it's impossible but I'm not quite sure. It could be  
some new code made by hackers... but how was it affecting the server. The binary code patch would have caught it. Something  
is afoot. My foot's a foot. But why would you care. Why would anyone care?  
  
"I was making out with Lina at Oberon 1 and I noticed a mysterious figure handing people items. Next thing I knew they were  
gone," Shadow stated.  
  
Sounded similar to the old CK hack. Someone drops a hacked item and BAM! Your character gets deleted for good. What  
really sounded fishy about this was that trading was not allowed in the lobbies. Binary code would have to be screwed with  
just to get that far. But it can't be. No hacker can surpass the patch.  
  
"I was offered the item, but it was too risky. I wasn't going to take an item in the middle of the lobby," Shadow continued.  
  
I didn't really care about what Shadow was saying anymore. All I cared about was solving this crazy mystery. Were  
the Chancellor's of Fate behind this? Or was Link182 just an outside source. As these questions flew through my head I began  
to lose interest in the topic.   
  
"I..." Shadow tried saying.  
  
"I don't care. I'll find out about it soon enough. I saw the guilty party in this lobby earlier. Him and Link182," Outlaw  
interrupted.  
  
"So Chancellor's of Fate are involved?"  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"Tell me if you find out more. I'm going back to Oberon 1 with Lina."  
  
As Shadow was leaving I looked around the room hoping to hear some more of the newbs conversation. But It was no use  
they were already gone. Possibly out destroying the all powerful Dragon on Normal Mode. Nothing interesting seemed to be   
going on in the lobby. It was deserted. I looked around the room for something to do. And then it hit me -- Lobby Soccer.  
Lobby Soccer was rarely ever played unless you were extremely bored. And I was. When I arrived in Lobby 11 there was already  
a game going on. The players were three level 15 forces. I could destroy them any day. I noticed the odd shape of the ball.  
It was shaped like a chu-chu. Why had Pioneer Two purchased such ridiculous soccer balls? Sure it was fun to look at  
but how the hell are you supposed to roll a ball with giant mouse ears sticking out? You can't. Well you can... but it's  
quite difficult and even the most experienced hunters can't pull it off. I decided I'd join the game.  
  
I approached the forces who were playing the game. They seemed pretty bad at it. By that I mean really bad. Not  
crapping your pants bad... only farting in front of a bunch of people bad. While I'm on the topic of farting I feel the need  
to tell this story. One time I met a hunter who claimed he let out a giant fart right in front of Dark Falz. Nothing shows  
your weak more than farting in front of a boss. He was defeated in a matter of seconds. And by Darvants no less. I never  
even thought about farting in front of a boss after hearing that one. Anyways, the forces sucked at Lobby Soccer -- period.  
  
I'm not going to go into the details of the match, but it turns out the forces beat me nine to two. I was never  
good at judging people's skill at sports, I didn't know enough about sports to do so. I didn't care enough. I am probably  
the most useless hunter ever to grace Pioneer Two and Ragol. I havn't done one thing to solve the mystery behind the  
explosion. Maybe I should. No, I'm not going to. I really don't care about anything. I heard the sound of someone entering  
the lobby. It was none other than Vampire. Vampire was the dark badass without a cause type character. He didn't give a  
crap about anything except killing shit and being the most feared warrior on Pioneer Two. His battle status read "Wins:783  
Disconnect: 0". People were offering 999,999 meseta to anyone who could beat him.  
  
"Outlaw, have you heard about the bannings?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, I have."  
  
"One of those bastards, I think his name was 'Iceberg', tried giving me hacked item. I took it and it had no effect on me.  
I've got to many protection cheats on."  
  
Protection cheats were the only cheats left unbanned by the patch. The only problem with them was that no normal  
person could actually get them to work. Only extremely experienced hunters could.  
  
"Excellent. Have you examined the object yet?" I questioned.  
  
"Yes of course. It was a saber and on the handle the initials 'FOF' were inscribed."  
  
I didn't know to make of Vampire's info. I knew Iceberg was the old leader of Chancellor's of Fate. So this whole  
deal must be their work. But what did the initials mean?  
  
MORE TO COME... 


	4. Episode 4: Destiny Awaits

Lobby Adventures  
Episode 4  
Destiny Awaits  
  
-The Lobby, a place where hunter's unite for one common purpose -- to piss the hell out of each other. I'm one of those  
bastards you love to hate -- one of those guys who never leaves the lobbies. If there is an intro to this story... this will  
be it.   
  
It has been a few days since I found about about the hacked sabers but I didn't think too much of it any more. I   
hadn't seen any trouble in the lobbies recently. Even though I saw nothing going on, I did hear rumors about a mysterious   
RAcaseal. The RAcaseal is rumored to be a bot named 'Millenium' placed on the server by a mysterious hunter known as  
'Carla'. The bot was supposedly an admin bot whos common purpose was to ban players who were using cheats. If someone  
had to go this sort of drastic measures to prevent cheating, the binary code patch must not be working. Shadow told  
me people were "being banned without reason." Was it COF who was behind this, or someone else? I felt the need to figure out.  
  
I looked around the room for some sort of sign as to where I could look for more info. I found my sign sitting behind  
the lobby counter. There was a hacker, now standing, behind the counter. Obviously now I knew the binary code didnt exist.   
The hacker seemed to be acting as if he was working a bar. He was pretending to hand people vodka, wine, and other such  
alcoholic beverages. He was an ugly hacker, one most people couldn't stand to look at. He looked as if someone had  
taken a rock and smashed it against his face many times. And then crapped on it.   
  
"Do you know anything about Millenium?" I questioned.  
  
"Yeah, she got a couple of my friends banned a couple of days ago," he replyed, "they were hanging out in Oberon 1 when it  
happened. I was under the impression that they had no codes enabled. But I guess I was wrong. Millenium appeared in the   
lobby and set a permanent ban on them."  
  
"Did you notice your friends do anything before Millenium banned them?"  
  
"They did accept a weapon from some crazy guy dressed in black."  
  
Iceberg was there. Shadow was right about everything he had said.  
  
"Thanks for your info."  
  
I slowly receded from the table and slumped back into my corner. I began to think over the possibilities of what had  
just happened. I assumed that once the hacked item had been accepted Millenium was summoned to ban them for the item. I had  
to test my theory. I scanned the room for possible victims. I noticed a small, level one HUmar. I guess hes going to be   
my victim. I don't like to discriminate agains small people but this guy was the only one in the room who didn't seem to  
know about the hacker. I handed him the weapon.  
  
"Take this, it's for uhhhh... scientific research," I told him.  
  
He held out his hand and grasped the saber. He seemed happy until a flash of light filled the lobby. The light  
dissapeared. It was Millenium. I could tell it was her because no average hunter could make such a dramatic entrance. Or at  
least I couldn't. I seriously wish I could. But I couldn't. Anyways, Millenium moved fast. Within the time it took me to  
mention I couldn't make a good entrance, she had already banned the HUmar.  
  
"JinKaido, banned at 22:43(EST) Ophelia Block 12 Lobby 1 for FSOD," Millenium stated.  
  
JinKaido was the hunter who had just been banned for posession of the weapon. The bot stated he had used FSOD, but  
in fact he hadn't. Someone must've hacked the weapon to contain the same characteristics of the FSOD binary coding. I'm   
taking a wild guess here, but I'd assume that person has the initials FOF.   
  
"What the hell? Your with the hackers who banned my friends?" the man behind the counter yelled.  
  
"No. I was testing my theory. I was finding out if the weapon was the reason Millenium was banning people. Now I know that  
it is."  
  
"You got that boy banned!"  
  
"I know."  
  
"BANNED!"  
  
"I know..."  
  
"&@#*ING BANNED!"  
  
"I know no shut the hell up!"  
  
"BANNED! BANNED! BANNED! BANNED!"  
  
I couldn't hold my instincts back I let my fist fly fowards and punch the guy in the face. He deserved it. Now I know  
why hes so damn ugly. The man fell to the ground in pain. I just now realized I said hell in the lobby without getting it  
blurred out with symbols. Did you ever notice how some of the craziest words are banned? You use to not be able to say  
shoe or saturday because they contained "innapropriate" langauge. Shoe had the word ho in it and saturday had turd in it.   
The word filter was quite possibly one of the worst ideas ever. You can't even use the word poop or fart, who'd get  
offended by those words. Sure there's some words I can understand but sooner or later everyone has to hear or see them. Yeah,  
well I'll shut up now. By the time I had finished beating up hacker dude Millenium was gone. I looked around the room to  
make sure of it. And upon further inspection -- I was right -- she was gone. I went back to my corner and sat there for a  
while and thought about crap like I always do.  
  
MORE TO COME... 


	5. Episode 5: I'm not even supposed to be h...

Lobby Adventures  
Episode #5  
I'm not even supposed to be here today  
  
-The Lobby, a place where hunter's unite for one common purpose -- to piss the hell out of each other. I'm one of those  
bastards you love to hate -- one of those guys who never leaves the lobbies. If there is an intro to this story... this will  
be it.   
  
After what I saw Millenium do to that hunter, I knew what I had to do. I figured a visit to Ragol was much needed,  
after all I was a low level... and who knows? Maybe I did need some more fighting skill to defeat the evil behind Millenium.  
As I approached the counter I noticed yet another thing that got on my nerves. Those stupid ladies behind the counter don't   
move. The just sit there staring at you. Giving you looks of disrespect and hate. How many Mothmants and Rag Rappys does a  
hunter have to kill to get some respect. Hundreds. Maybe thousands. Maybe millions. I'll shut-up. I start to rant about   
things when I get annoyed and those "paralyzed" counter ladies really pissed me off right now.   
  
I arrived at Pioneer 2's Hunter District immediately after I had finished registering my game with the lady. Did  
you ever notice how everyone on Pioneer 2 always says the same thing?  
  
"This is the hunter's guild."  
  
"I know."  
  
"This is the hunter's guild."  
  
"I know damnit!"  
  
"This is the hunter's guild."  
  
"SHUT UP."  
  
Thats why I like the lobby, you never know what crazy comments you'll get.  
  
"Waffles."  
  
"I gots me a cheese suit!"  
  
"200?"  
  
Those are just some of the things I've heard while journeying in the lobbies. You never hear that kind of comic gold  
here. Only guys who seem to talk around here are the shop keepers. Randall, the weapons clerk and Dante, the armor clerk.   
The tekker and the ugly lady generally don't talk. Unless your doing business or getting on their nerves. I figured I'd go  
talk to them so I could get some supplies for my next journey to Ragol. I slowly strolled in through the sliding gate  
blissfully unaware of what I was about to learn. A hunter was busy conversing with Randall.  
  
"What do you mean theres no ice? I gotta drink this monofluid hot?"  
  
"Look man I don't sell monofluids or ice," Randall replied.  
  
I then noticed Dante was missing.  
  
"Where the hell is Dante?" I asked.  
  
"He's down on Ragol doing some business."  
  
"Doing what, Katelyn?"  
  
"How'd you guess?" Randall said back.  
  
"Wait Katelyn the Hospital girl?" the monofluid man asked.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"I thought they broke up."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"I gots me a cheese suit."  
  
So maybe you do get that kind of comic gold here.  
  
"Anyways, Randall, got any new weapons in?"  
  
"I got a Saber +3..."  
  
"I know some level 200 newbs who might be interested."  
  
Randall and I conversed for a while until I finally decided It was time to go down to Ragol. I picked up some   
supplies from the ugly girl and then insulted the tekker. Which resulted in me getting hit with a cane. I began to walk  
towards the teleporter to Ragol and once again I heard "This is the Hunter's Guild." I should just go and throw that lady  
off a really high ledge and watch her get hit with one of the cool hover car thingies that are always flying around. I  
stepped into the teleporter ready for action down on the planet Ragol. Maybe when I got back I'd continue my mission to  
solve the mystery of Millenium.  
  
  
MORE TO COME...  
  
www.outlawsofragol.tk 


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